Paranormal News Week 4 November 20th – 27th

keep running into these stories and I swear you can’t make this up.

Ghost Gropes Granny
If you thought that Ohio had cornered the market on aggressively sexual ghosts, you were wrong (as always!): Over in England, 73-year-old Doris Birch says she’s had trouble going to sleep over these past four months because of the ghost who gropes her all night long.
“It’s like an octopus,” she tells acclaimed poltergeist news source Daily Mail:
‘I kicked frantically and it went away.
‘I’ve tried sleeping without the duvet. But it started shaking my mattress.
‘I even threw the mattress off the bed and bought a new one but it has made no difference.
‘This is very creepy and is giving me the jitters. It’s harassing me.
‘I need to call in the Ghostbusters.’
Throwing the mattress away seems like a really dumb non-solution. Ghosts don’t care about the quality or brand of one’s bed—they care about haunting and taunting. She’s obviously undereducated about ghost culture and social mores.
A vicar swung by Birch’s house to inform her that the ghost is probably a “lost spirit,” but did nothing to drive it away. Maybe the husband-and-wife ghost-hunting team she’s hired will resolve the issue.

 

Haha I have heard it all now. Next I will hear of Ghost Aliens.
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